Self defeating behaviors relationships dating

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

Here are 15 things that self-destructive people do that makes their life much harder. They date the wrong kind of people. Being in a relationship like this will just bring you down further and further. the same mistake twice, whether it's doing drugs, drinking and driving, or being careless about their sexual behavior. Do you find yourself stubbornly clinging to certain behavior patterns To break out of those self-destructive patterns, you must be willing to look. Self-destructive behavior is a daunting topic, something dark that lurks in the of failed relationship stories illustrating the covers of magazines.

Unfortunately, if you are determined to stay cynical, you will eventually exhaust their energy and make their pompoms way too heavy to lift. Perhaps you're the kind of a person who wants to control everything within a five-hundred mile radius but offers everything you can to make your lovers feel cared for in exchange for running their lives.

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

That may be very attractive initially to an unorganized person who loves your micro-managing. But, as time goes by, your over-zealous watchfulness can suffocate your partner's desire to make some of the crucial decisions in the relationship.

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships | HuffPost Life

Relationship saboteurs often attract other relationship saboteurs. Martyrs can be easily seduced by trust-breakers. People who need to control are drawn to passive-aggressive people who promise to cooperate and don't end up complying. Those who love to fight seek out partners who are practiced at defending their position.

Why people ruin happy relationships - HelloGiggles

Sabotaging behaviors are combinations of innate qualities, modeling, and personal experiences, and they can be changed. To break out of those self-destructive patterns, you must be willing to look at them without defensiveness or negative self-judgment. Remember, you are not intentionally trying to push your partners away. You are unconsciously repeating patterns that don't work and have not yet learned to do things differently. Personal accountability forms the foundation for change. Here are seven steps to end your sabotaging behavior: Be willing to look at your patterns without being self-critical.

Why people ruin happy relationships

You most likely learned these patterns in childhood from people you trusted and have repeated them so often that they seem to be part of you. Look at yourself through the lens of a loving camera and just note what you see.

WHY You Procrastinate, DATE CRAZIES, and Self-Sabotage

Look for where you learned those patterns and who the people were who taught them to you. Go as far back in your life as you can to find the external dialogues that you have now internalized.

Look for the trigger points in your present life that are likely to set off those unconscious behavior patterns that get you in trouble. Pay attention to when those triggers are most likely to happen by being in close touch with your levels of vulnerability and resilience. Look for people you respect and admire who behave differently in the same kinds of situations and note what they do differently.

Then make a plan to try those behaviors instead of the ones you have practiced.

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

When you are trying to change, carefully select people who will support you in your attempts to find new ways to behave. Be careful of those who have an investment in your staying the same. If we grew up with a self-hating parent, who often viewed themselves as weak or a failure, we may grow up with similar self sabotaging attitudes toward ourselves. For instance, if our parent felt critical of their appearance, we may take on similar insecurities without realizing it.

We may feel easily self-conscious and less sure of ourselves in social or public situations. When we fall victim to our critical inner voice and listen to its directives, we often engage in self limiting or self sabotaging behaviors that hurt us in our daily lives. This is a power you can cultivate.

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. We can familiarize ourselves with our critical inner voice and notice when it starts to seep in to our thought process.

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

For example, if we often feel embarrassed or ashamed and, as a consequence, hold ourselves back socially, we can start to push ourselves to be more outward and open. Differentiating from these behaviors is essential to leading happy lives. In their book The Self under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiationco-authored by Dr.

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships

Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett, we describe the four steps involved in differentiation. Step one involves separating from the destructive attitudes critical inner voices we internalized based on painful early life experiences. The third step involves challenging the destructive defenses or adaptations we made to the pain we experienced growing up. These adaptations may have helped us in childhood but, very often, hurt us as adults.

self defeating behaviors relationships dating

For instance, if we were used to being let down or rejected as children, we may have formed a defense that shuts us off from wanting or expecting much from others. Though this lowering our expectations may seemed to help cushion us from getting hurt as kids, this same defense can keep us from trusting or getting close to someone as adults.

The fourth and final step of differentiation asks us to develop our very own sense of our unique values, ideals and beliefs. Once we have separated from the negative overlays from our past, we can uncover who we really are. We can stop self sabotaging behaviors and choose the person we want to be.