When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder
In part, this is spurred by the myth that BPD is As Dr. Greenberg says: “I've seen a lot of [people with BPD] get so much better, I love for people living with Borderline Personality Disorder. Borderline personality disorder symptoms include instability in interpersonal For example, they may call someone on the telephone repeatedly asking for but the next may be extremely self-denigrating or hard on herself. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend with borderline personality disorder, dating This might be easy because the person with BPD may push the limits of your.
You need to have a realistic understanding of your partner's behavior and your role in his life as "caretaker. You cannot "heal" your loved one. Also, you need to know that the dysfunction BPD creates in a person's life cripples their emotional capability and understanding, so it's likely that you will not be able to have an emotionally mature relationship. To establish trust and influence in your partner's life, complimenting your partner for even little things they do that are noteworthy may surprise you and go a long way.
You can also use compliments to reward good behavior, such as "I know you were stressed out yesterday, but you handled it really well," or "I noticed the way you have stopped yelling at me.
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Stating the compliment at the wrong time could solicit an extreme reaction. You may never get a response verbally or an expression of gratitude, or even an insult in response. However, it could work for some people with BPD, especially if they seek compliments.
Try as long as you are willing. Since a person with BPD has low self-esteem, you could be doing some good. Because the behaviors of a person with BPD are so outrageous at times, it's very easy to call it quits or blame the person with BPD. It would be like faulting a person for getting cancer. However, this is not a reason to allow the person you love with BPD to manipulate or abuse you. Still set your limits and stick to them, but in a loving and nonjudgmental way.
Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Also, don't take their outrageous behaviors personally. These are the emotional issues of your loved one. Learn About BPD One of the ways you can maintain a relationship with your loved one is to educate yourself about the disorder so you can understand your loved one's behaviors. People with BPD will often attack you aggressively or get highly defensive, and people often feel like they are dragged to extremes as they are manipulated and guilted into different emotional states and actions they don't feel comfortable doing.
Learning about the disorder will help you understand how your loved one experiences things. Realizing that your loved one has a completely different emotional perspective will help you protect yourself and stick to boundaries. BPD is known as a misunderstood disorder because it often co-occurs with other disorders, such as "depression, bi-polar disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, and anxiety disorders. You may have a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle happening with your partner.
10 Tips for Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder | LoveToKnow
People who have this disorder have an intense need to feel loved, but their extreme behaviors always keep them in a state of losing that love. That loss of love supports their intense fear of being abandoned. These are symptoms of the disorderand not displays of callousness or an effort to hurt you.
Practice the Four D's If the situation seems to be in the middle of escalation, practice the Four D's: Let's talk about it later. Realize that attacks, no matter how personal they seem, are part of the disorder, so don't take them personally or get upset.
Get Help You cannot force your partner into therapy. However, you can get help for yourself, and with long-term effort, you could convince your partner to get help over time, with increased trust, consistency, and a genuine show for concern.
Barbara Greenberga clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains: Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years. Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating.
When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. But then what comes along with it, a couple of weeks later, is: Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful.
Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. If someone treats me badly, then I become bad. When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior. Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that.
But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it. For relationships to have a chance of succeeding, this is a critical piece: Call for a Free Confidential Assessment.